Journal 6 - Week of October 19th

I finally sat down and wrote a song.

Or at least attempted to write a song. With my level of self-criticism and self doubt, (which I am working on), it could be a while before I can call it performable. But at least its a start. And just like the drawing I made last week, the act was somewhat liberating. Many, many questions popped into my head. Thoughts and feelings were immediately written down, for I feel keeping notes on the process is important to further work on the song.

I had the idea of writing a song in my head for some time, so there were many steps to getting where I needed to go.

I started off by filling my head with a lot music that I enjoy. Bands like Kings of Leon, Coldplay and Jets Overhead usually make me feel something, so I listened to them a lot. Partly because I enjoy their sound, and partly because their sound feels similar to something I would compose.

The process started out with organizing my space. I had a sheet of paper for thoughts on one side of me, and a sheet for the lyrics on the other. I immediately gained respect for those who can write a good pop song. Its not easy!

I was challenged with what to work on first, the chords or the lyrics- or both. What seemed most natural to me was creating a topic - one of which had been on my mind for a while - my relationship. Once I had this topic I then attempted to make the sound of that feeling. I tried to hear the lyrics over top of the chords of my guitar.

Challenging! Words came to mind, but a distinguishable and interesting melody to sing them to did not come so smoothly. What was worse was that the words that did come to mind felt just boring. I'm trying to sing about wanting someone back - but all that came to mind was familiar lyrics and clichés.

erase erase erase!

Brian Hendricks' message about making lots of mistakes made me feel a little more at ease. Although he says its necessary to make lots of errors, I still feel like maybe songwriting isn't my thing.

The lyrics looked more like a poem than song lyrics. So thats what I did - I thought of them as poem - then I would mold them into lyrics a little later.

The more focus I gave the project the more I realized song writing can't be forced. Although music is a natural thing for me, songwriting might be something I need to practice.

I went to bed a little frustrated and angry. Why is it so hard to get the feeling out? I know what it is I'm trying to say - but why can't it flow from my pen and hands?